Friday, December 30, 2011

Deaf and Blind


Today, I knowingly took a wrong train going home just because my feet wanted to get in on that certain car. There was only one seat left and I grabbed it without thinking of other people because I was tired.

Sitting across me was a pair acting like they're couples, I immediately noticed them because the girl is also a filipina. I smiled and closed my eyes; I was planning to take a nap and get off at whatever station. Then I heard the girl said... "I like you very much but I don't want to leave Jeff because he is consistent...I like so many guys, I flirt and show them that I like them but that's just it." They were exchanging ideas about how relationships and love should be. I heard the girl mentioned about financial stability, consistency, flirting, moving on and the like. Her words entered my ears, pierced right through my brain, leaving a sensation in my heart.

I started praying "Lord, her business is not mine. Please allow me to find silence in the middle of their conversation. I don't want to hear them." while I kept my eyes tightly closed.

I was blind and deaf for a few minutes.

I thought:

If I am deaf, I will never have the chance to hear sweet words of affirmations from my loved ones, or compliments about how I look or if I did a good job.

If I am blind, I will never have the chance to see His beautiful creations. I won't be able to see the beauty of a place or a person. I won't be able to see the gestures of love that my family and friends will do for me.

If I am deaf and blind at the same time...(?) I had to snap back because I got scared for a few seconds. Then I reflected about the genuine feeling of love and peace that I felt while two of my senses were paralyzed.

The actual knowing, believing and trusting His love and my family and friends' love for me felt so good. At that very moment, I didn't have any thoughts of doubts and fears. I just felt loved because I know I am loved. I felt loved because I believe that He loves me, my boyfriend loves me, my family and friends love me without any thoughts of what if, why and but.

What we see, what we hear or what we feel (sense of touch) can really change our perception about things and sometimes about our selves. Maybe, if we practice having silence and stillness every time we fear or doubt, the Holy Spirit can tap in into our heart and give us the most honest answer that we should have and, of course, believe.

But it's really hard to let go and let the Holy Spirit control us. Our eyes can tell or trick our brain that a certain road is muddy or rough. Our ears can trick our brain if the water is deep or shallow. You know what I mean? It's really hard. Determination is the key. Persevere! (talking to my self)

About the girl...I will make it a resolution to not make other's business my business...

My special someone said that there are 3 kinds of business...our business, other's business and God's business.. We should only care about our own. We should not tell other people about what they should do. We should not tell God about what He should do...it's something like that..lol

=)

Did you know that I turned a year older last December 29? My love asked me about my reflection for my birthday, asked me why I stopped writing...('_') i don't have any reflection nor do i want to make a fuss that it's my birthday. I also don't know why I stopped writing.

I don't have any plan to post or write but that train ride was really something. I hope you understood my reflection because I know my ideas are here and there. I am tired and sleepy. Good night!


This is us. We celebrated our 2nd year anniversary last 11.11.11.
I don't want to post anything about him in this blog because this blog is for my First Love
but I want to thank God for giving him an amazing amount of wisdom and patience.
=)


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