Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Winter


Even if your sun will set
or the world will undress you,
just be still.
Know that to every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

Be still.

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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

World Suicide Prevention Day

USC’s MSW Programs Blog Day.

Today is the World Suicide Prevention Day. I didn't plan to write anything in this blog today but I just feel like I have to because of some reasons.

I've been through a lot. I was bullied. I became a subject of gossips in three different schools that I went to. I have some spiritual battles. I have a part in my life that I can't remember, names of people and events that my subconscious made me forget. I have some stories that as much as I wanted to share it, I just can't.

I didn't have this kind of faith yet when some of those trials where poured on me but whenever I look back, I just can't thank Him enough for being there for me during those times.

I know I am talking in riddles but this is just my heart full of praises for Him. No, I never thought about taking my own life but I guess it's safe to say that I killed some parts of me so I can cope. I became aloof and I built a very tall wall and covered myself with so many masks to protect myself. I am still struggling in terms of socializing and talking to people but I thank God for His healing and for teaching me about the importance of consciously letting go and forgiving people.

I repeat, consciously letting go and forgiving people. It's a very hard decision to make because I know sometimes a part of us wishes bad things to happen to those people who caused us pain. Sometimes, revenge comes to the extent of hurting our own selves so we could make them guilty about hurting us. Sometimes, we let ourselves sink in depression and we let ourselves linger to those hurtful events because somehow it will become our excuse for letting ourselves fail.

Let go. Nobody is judging you but yourself. You should never compete with anybody. Breathe. Let go and pray. Forgiving somebody and yourself is a decision that you have to make. It will never magically happen. Pray for strength so that you will be able to carry your loads, lift it up and offer it to Him. Surround yourself with people who can help you carry it and lift it up to Him.


 I know it's not easy but it is possible to move on.
Don't let trials knock you down. Ask for help and reach out. 

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


This is for you, you know who you are.
I am praying that you will be able to read this.
You are not alone. I am here. I love you!
 You are Loved!


LOVED
Words and Music by Dave and JJ Heller

Do you dream of a home you never had
An innocence that you cannot get back
The pain is real
You can’t erase it
Sooner or later you have to face it down

You are loved

Do you keep your thoughts inside your head
Will you regret the things you never said You have a voice
You have to use it
You have a choice
Don’t let them shut you down

You are loved

Do you feel the ache inside your soul
You know you’ll never make it on your own
Sorrow is too great for you to hold it
You’re gonna break
Why don’t you lay it down
 

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Sunday, July 28, 2013

Prayers.

I remember reading a friend's rant on facebook long time ago about hearing her neighbors pray a repetitive prayer and how much it annoys her. I was so tempted to comment and explain because I was insulted about how she described it in her post. I  already typed my comment but deleted it and decided to let go. I know she's talking about The Rosary because it was October. She has her own beliefs and I have mine; what's the point of arguing, it's not like my comment is going to make her reflect.

I am a Catholic. I pray the "generic prayers", as what other Christians would describe Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be and etc. I also believe in the power of saying the rosary. I still don't know how to defend my beliefs but I have always been sure about my faith. I believe that faith is something that we can't explain. Everything boils down to love. God loves us first and because of His great love for us we learn how to love and share love. Our faith should equal to love and it should let us see the goodness in what other people do.

Today's gospel is from Luke 11: 1-13 where it tells us about the time when Jesus taught his disciples the Our Father prayer but not only that, the gospel also mentioned some points that I want us to reflect on.

8I tell you, if the man does not get up and give it to him for friendship's sake, persistence will make him get up and give his friend all he wants.
9And I tell you, Ask, and it will be given; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
10For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
11What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent;
12or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?
13If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

The gospel is teaching us about the power of prayer. PUSH! Pray until something happens; but we should also be reminded about the last verse on Luke 11:13. God is telling us that he already knows what to give us. He knows what is good for us. Praying will never change God's plan for us. We pray to keep our connection to Him. Prayer is not meant to change His decisions but it is meant to change our hearts, to prepare ourselves for His great plan, for us to eventually learn how to trust Him and to let go of our worries, fears and selfishness. We pray until something happens to our hearts and not to the plans that we made for ourselves. For God is a loving and a merciful God, He sees us and the bigger picture of our life. He only wants the best for us.

But God, just like any other parent also knows how to give us the tough love. He will never control us. If we are too stubborn, He will also gives us the chance to do things our way. Just like what my mom would always say, "God will also let us do things the way we wanted it to be but our way doesn't mean that we will be happy. We might end up being miserable and of course, because He is a loving God, He will still rescue us. He will still save us but that's only after we face the consequences of our disobedience." We should pray and then make a decision; We shouldn't decide and then pray.

The rosary might be a repetitive prayer but it is still a prayer. It sends people in a state of meditation and reconnects them to God. Saying the rosary reminds us about God's love for us through the sacrifices of Jesus. The rosary is a prayer given by Mother Mary, the mother of Jesus who witnessed His great love for us. Each prayer of the bead in the rosary overflows the love of God for us and the love that He poured unto Mother Mary.

We pray for the Holy Spirit to pour into our hearts the kind of grace Mary has, the kind of love she has for Jesus. We also pray for a great love that will lead us to a strong commitment to ourselves and to others.

Let's pray that we may stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life.




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Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Patience.

Lately my subway ride at night is becoming so painful to take. My usual 45mins to an hour travel became 2 hours because of all the construction that they're doing. It's annoying because I can't tell what time is the the best time to go home and often times they don't announce what's going on and how long should we wait. I don't have phone service in the train. I don't have games in my phone. Sometimes, I don't have anything to read or eat.

Last Friday night was the worst, I have to be in the train for 2 1/2 hours. I tried a different route because I thought I was smart. Somebody finally announced something but we can't understand him/her. I started to be mindful of my feelings. I reminded myself to be patient. I took a deep breath and looked around. Somebody was punching the door, a lot were already exchanging their opinions, somebody peed in the train, somebody inhaled her asthma spray, somebody was there sitting as if we don't have to wait for a long time reading a book and myself observing everybody.

I was screaming "i'm better than all of you, sucker! I'm so patient! bwahahaha! Watch me because I'm so cool." Then I sat there being so calm and released my frustrations with a sigh, checked the time and bam! that was only 2 minutes. I kept reminding myself that the train will not move even if I get mad. I just have to be still. "Be still!", I screamed. Fixed myself and asked, "Are you still now?".

Fail!

If you know me and if you've been following my journey. God has been teaching me how to be patient and to learn how to be still. I am very impatient. I pray the "Lord please make me patient now!" prayer all the time. Lately, I thought I was already being patient but the truth is I am just being indifferent. I try to suppress all my desires so I can pretend that I am patient.

"Patience is not indifference; patience conveys the idea
of an immensely strong rock withstanding all onslaughts."

My very special friend describes me as patient. I know I am patient if waiting means that I am in control of things and waiting is a choice that I willingly make. The kind of patience that God is teaching me is the one that requires me to be still in a place; to move in a pace that He wants me to; to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I couldn't change my speed for me to get there faster; to let go of my fears in facing uncertainty; and to just breathe and enjoy where I am.

God seldom does great things in a hurry.

So my prayer is this...

Lord, have your way. Tame me. Give me the strength that I need to calm down my thoughts and fears. Hold me so tight. I feel like a dog with a leash barking on something, trying to be free and pulling You because I want to go to that something that caught my eye. Please don't let go of me. I know I'm stubborn but I still want to go to where You are going. Amen. =)

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