Deaf and Blind

Today, I knowingly took a wrong train going home just because my feet wanted to get in on that certain car. There was only one seat left and I grabbed it without thinking of other people because I was tired.

Sitting across me was a pair acting like they're couples, I immediately noticed them because the girl is also a filipina. I smiled and closed my eyes; I was planning to take a nap and get off at whatever station. Then I heard the girl said... "I like you very much but I don't want to leave Jeff because he is consistent...I like so many guys, I flirt and show them that I like them but that's just it." They were exchanging ideas about how relationships and love should be. I heard the girl mentioned about financial stability, consistency, flirting, moving on and the like. Her words entered my ears, pierced right through my brain, leaving a sensation in my heart.

I started praying "Lord, her business is not mine. Please allow me to find silence in the middle of their conversation. I don't want to hear them." while I kept my eyes tightly closed.

I was blind and deaf for a few minutes.

I thought:

If I am deaf, I will never have the chance to hear sweet words of affirmations from my loved ones, or compliments about how I look or if I did a good job.

If I am blind, I will never have the chance to see His beautiful creations. I won't be able to see the beauty of a place or a person. I won't be able to see the gestures of love that my family and friends will do for me.

If I am deaf and blind at the same time...(?) I had to snap back because I got scared for a few seconds. Then I reflected about the genuine feeling of love and peace that I felt while two of my senses were paralyzed.

The actual knowing, believing and trusting His love and my family and friends' love for me felt so good. At that very moment, I didn't have any thoughts of doubts and fears. I just felt loved because I know I am loved. I felt loved because I believe that He loves me, my boyfriend loves me, my family and friends love me without any thoughts of what if, why and but.

What we see, what we hear or what we feel (sense of touch) can really change our perception about things and sometimes about our selves. Maybe, if we practice having silence and stillness every time we fear or doubt, the Holy Spirit can tap in into our heart and give us the most honest answer that we should have and, of course, believe.

But it's really hard to let go and let the Holy Spirit control us. Our eyes can tell or trick our brain that a certain road is muddy or rough. Our ears can trick our brain if the water is deep or shallow. You know what I mean? It's really hard. Determination is the key. Persevere! (talking to my self)

About the girl...I will make it a resolution to not make other's business my business...

My special someone said that there are 3 kinds of business...our business, other's business and God's business.. We should only care about our own. We should not tell other people about what they should do. We should not tell God about what He should do...it's something like that..lol

=)

Did you know that I turned a year older last December 29? My love asked me about my reflection for my birthday, asked me why I stopped writing...('_') i don't have any reflection nor do i want to make a fuss that it's my birthday. I also don't know why I stopped writing.

I don't have any plan to post or write but that train ride was really something. I hope you understood my reflection because I know my ideas are here and there. I am tired and sleepy. Good night!

This is us. We celebrated our 2nd year anniversary last 11.11.11.

I don't want to post anything about him in this blog because this blog is for my First Love

but I want to thank God for giving him an amazing amount of wisdom and patience.

=)

Miss Universe 2011

Congratulations to Miss Philippines Shamcey Supsup for winning 3rd runner up in Miss Universe 2011!

Final Q&A for Miss Shamcey

Q.Will you change your religious belief to marry the one you love?

A. "If I'm going to change my religious belief, I will not marry the person that I love because the first person I love is God who created me and I have my faith and principles and this what makes me who I am. And if that person loves me? He should love my God first."

I love Miss Shamcey's answer! I wanted to make a post related to her question but I remember that I already posted my views about marriage earlier, so I guess I should better stop here. To read MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER, click here. =) Thank you.

Congratulations also to Miss Angola (Leila Lopes) for winning Miss Universe 2011, Miss Ukraine (Olesya Stefanko) 1st runner up, Miss Brazil (Priscila Machado) 2nd runner up and Miss China (Luo Zilin) 4th runner up

Marriage Encounter

Last weekend, my parents attended the marriage encounter retreat and I was able to witness some of their activities during the Sunday mass.

It has always been my mom's prayer to have the chance to serve and worship Him together with my dad. We used to be a part of a small charismatic group back home in the Philippines and I remember how my mom dragged everybody to join every prayer meeting. She was able to bring me every time maybe because she started dragging me while I was still 3 years old but somehow she can't do the same with daddy. My dad used to stay in the bedroom whenever the prayer meeting was held in our house.

My dad's a good man, don't get me wrong. I know he prays but only in private. I think he's just not comfortable to be seen praying and singing for Him. His work in the Philippines became a hindrance for us to attend mass every Sunday as a family. Well, it's not just the Sunday mass but it's any activity that requires us all to be in one place with him; he used to have threats, i remember him saying that he can only protect one person if ever he gets ambushed. I know he prays a lot, especially for strength, wisdom and protection while he was still in service but his work hindered us to cultivate our relationship with Him as a family, which I think is also important. I remember a saying from a prayer time program in the philippines--"The family that prays together, stays together."

I believe that it's nice to be a part of a community as a single, but it's better if the whole family is a part of it; that's why I'm thankful that finally my parents were able to have time to join the ME retreat. My mom is also grateful that daddy finally decided to join.

I love watching my parents renew their vows last Sunday. I know how much they love each other; I'm not just their daughter but I am also their number one fan. I know and I witnessed their sacrifices and patience for each other. I am inspired by their love story and love for each other. Now that my dad already opened up and decided to level up the kind of prayer life that he has which is praying with the community, I can now completely say that I want a marriage like them. My dad's love for my mom is amazing; I want to feel blessed with the man that I will soon marry just like my mom. My mom's patience and strength is inspiring. I pray that I could be just like her for my own family someday; her faith is amazing and she never ceases to pray for us.

A Marriage Blessing

We thank you, O God,

for the Love You

have implanted in our hearts.

May it always inspire us to be

kind in our words, considerate

of feelings, and concerned

for each other's needs and wishes.

Help us to be understanding

and forgiving

of human weakness and failings.

Increase our faith and trust

in You and may Your prudence

guide our life and love.

Bless our marriage, o God,

with peace and happiness,

and make our love fruitful for

Your glory and 

our joy both here and in eternity.

Amen.

*The picture is from here.

The Refiner's Touch

There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi. As they were studying chapter three they came across verse three which says, "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." (Malachi 3:3) This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week the woman called up a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that, in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest so as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot - then she thought again about the verse, that He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver. She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. For if the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's the easy part -- when I see my image reflected in it."

***

Right now, I am feeling the heat of the fire. The story about the Refiner's Touch made me smile and gave me strength to endure my current trial. Isn't it funny that I posted last Sunday about how much I wanted to be a reflection of Him? And now, here I am...I feel like shit and just a while ago, I really felt like giving up.

It's amazing how you stumble upon things that will give you answers and affirmations...I know He sees me. I know He loves me.

I have no complain Lord because after all, I really want to be like You. It's just that I am really hurting and I really need more angels here on earth. Please send them, STAT. =D

***

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire,

remember that God has His eye on you and will keep His hand on you

and watch over you until He sees His image in you.

*the picture is from here*

I am a reflection of His love.

I know I am not even close to His reflection but I want to keep on saying that, like a mantra, to remind me of how I want to live my life. I really don't remember when did I started to keep those words in my heart but I am determined to persevere, to live a life that reflects His love. I know I am not doing a good job imitating Him because honestly it is really hard to imitate His compassion, patience, forgiveness, love and faith.

so I pray..
Lord, it has always been my desire to be like You, to show love and to serve Your people in any way that You want me to; guide me, use me and hold me tight whenever I am shaken with trials. Forgive me if at times I can't control myself, my disappointments, my frustrations and anger. Forgive me if I dislike some people; touch my heart and take the negative feelings away. Teach me to love and see people the way You see them.

Lord, I love You so much; may my actions, my thoughts and the words that I speak reflect my love for You.

Is the face that I see in the mirror

the one I want others to see

Do I show in the way that I walk in my life

The love that You've given to me

My heart's desire is to be like You

In all that I do, all I am

Do they see Jesus In Me

Do they recognize Your face

Do I communicate Your love, and Your grace

Do I reflect who You are

In the way I choose to be

Do they see Jesus In Me

It's amazing that you'd ever use me

But use me the way You will

Help me to hold out a heart of

compassionate grace

A heart that You're spirit fills

May I show forgiveness and mercy

The same way You've shown it to me

Now I want to show all the world who You are

The reason I live and breathe

So You'll be the One that they see

When they see me

Amen.

Do They See Jesus in Me
by Joy Williams