Tuesday, September 9, 2008

A Chat Session with God : My Doubts

After I had finally accepted God in my life, I started to read the Bible as often as I could. That's when I discovered God talks to me through it. I talk to Him and open the Bible and there I can hear His reply. I am always amaze by how easy it is to contact Him. He actually listens and answers my questions, cries, worries and even my doubts. We talk just like how I talk to my friends online. I say something and they reply. I talk to God, open the Bible and there He replies. I was amazed because I can actually understand the Bible. Unlike before, I only see it as a boring book full of symbols. I am not the kind who memorizes the verses but I read it and understand it just like a child listening to her father's lectures.

But my connection with God didn't stop me from having doubts. I worried so much because I can not understand His plans and commands. My soul became weak and I didn't even attempt to fight the temptation of my laziness. I know in my heart that I love God and my heart talks to Him even without me knowing that I am already calling Him. I talked but I stopped listening.

He started telling me what to do, where to go and how to act. I love letting the Holy Spirit guide me but I started to regret when some people started to call me names. They don't understand and I can't blame them. I became tired following the way of Christ.

But that didn't last long because God didn't want me to go. He doesn't want any of His children to go.

God made a way for me to listen to Him again and I let go of my spirit. Our class was chosen by our English teacher to perform a Christian Song at the prayer gathering of a certain group in our school. The whole night, we sang, jumped and danced for Him. I started crying because I missed God so much and I felt how much He missed me too.

When I got home, I prayed and thanked Him for helping me again. I praised Him. I worshipped Him. I told my Father that I missed Him and I love Him with all my heart.

And He replied:

The Lord says,
"Do you think I sent my people away like a man who divorces his wife?
Where, the, are the papers of divorce?
Do you think I sold you into captivity like a man who sells his children as slaves?
No, you went away captive because of your sins; you were sent away because of your crimes.

Why did my people fail to respond when I went to them to save them?
Why did they not answer when I called?
Am I too weak to save them?
I can dry up the sea with a command and turn rivers into a desert, so that the fish in them die
for lack of water.
I can make the sky turn dark, as if it were in mourning for the dead."

-ISAIAH 50:1-3

I know that I am weak but never again will I doubt His plans. I know that He is testing me, molding and preparing me for His coming. I believe that my faith is stronger now and I trust Him that He will not put me into danger because He loves me.


Anonymous said...

What a beautiful testimony. There are times when we all have doubts, we become weak and discouraged. But God knows exactly what we go through and He is always right there to see us through each and every moment of our lives. Stay strong in His Word and His Strength. He is always, always there for you even when you think He is not. He loves and cares for you. Blessings to you my new friend in Christ.

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Communicating With God said...

Amen, Sister!

This is a wonderful testimony! And it is good to know that even though you have doubts, you don't allow such feelings to keep you from following God.

We just simply can't understand everything. But in the things that we can understand we can certainly see that God loves us.

God bless you.

P.S. I started a Bible study on my blog, which I believe you will find to be of interest. Here is the link: http://lightedpen.blogspot.com/2008/09/chat-session-with-god-my-doubts.html