After I had finally accepted God in my life, I started to read the Bible as often as I could. That's when I discovered God talks to me through it. I talk to Him and open the Bible and there I can hear His reply. I am always amaze by how easy it is to contact Him. He actually listens and answers my questions, cries, worries and even my doubts. We talk just like how I talk to my friends online. I say something and they reply. I talk to God, open the Bible and there He replies. I was amazed because I can actually understand the Bible. Unlike before, I only see it as a boring book full of symbols. I am not the kind who memorizes the verses but I read it and understand it just like a child listening to her father's lectures.
But my connection with God didn't stop me from having doubts. I worried so much because I can not understand His plans and commands. My soul became weak and I didn't even attempt to fight the temptation of my laziness. I know in my heart that I love God and my heart talks to Him even without me knowing that I am already calling Him. I talked but I stopped listening.
He started telling me what to do, where to go and how to act. I love letting the Holy Spirit guide me but I started to regret when some people started to call me names. They don't understand and I can't blame them. I became tired following the way of Christ.
But that didn't last long because God didn't want me to go. He doesn't want any of His children to go.
God made a way for me to listen to Him again and I let go of my spirit. Our class was chosen by our English teacher to perform a Christian Song at the prayer gathering of a certain group in our school. The whole night, we sang, jumped and danced for Him. I started crying because I missed God so much and I felt how much He missed me too.
When I got home, I prayed and thanked Him for helping me again. I praised Him. I worshipped Him. I told my Father that I missed Him and I love Him with all my heart.
And He replied:
The Lord says,
"Do you think I sent my people away like a man who divorces his wife?
Where, the, are the papers of divorce?
Do you think I sold you into captivity like a man who sells his children as slaves?
No, you went away captive because of your sins; you were sent away because of your crimes.
Why did my people fail to respond when I went to them to save them?
Why did they not answer when I called?
Am I too weak to save them?
I can dry up the sea with a command and turn rivers into a desert, so that the fish in them die
for lack of water.
I can make the sky turn dark, as if it were in mourning for the dead."
I know that I am weak but never again will I doubt His plans. I know that He is testing me, molding and preparing me for His coming. I believe that my faith is stronger now and I trust Him that He will not put me into danger because He loves me.