Saturday, January 2, 2010

His Plans For Me

When our dreams are shattered, how do we react?
Do we love God more than our own dreams?

These questions from Our Daily Bread made me want to reflect about my own dream and I know I have to blog it. Blogging helps me document my personal growth and walk with Christ, that's why I should blog my thoughts. At this moment I am just typing my free flowing thoughts about it, no plans whatsoever to where this reflecting will lead me.

Since the very beginning of this blog, I already shared my passion and dream of having nursing as a vocation. For me, it's a profession that follows the healing ministry of Jesus. I want to be an instrument of healing, physical healing and healing of the soul. I want to be an instrument to bring people closer to God, to be an instrument that will bring comfort and care to the sick and to serve them just like what Jesus did.

When I was younger, I wanted to become a teacher. However, I found out that nursing can also allow me to follow the teaching ministry of Jesus. So after I graduated from high school, I immediately took the college entrance exam to a nursing school of my choice. I only took one entrance exam because I knew what I wanted.

I started college 5 years ago and until now I am still in college. I left my old school with only a year left before I can graduate but I went back to school just this Fall semester. Right now in my present school, being able to graduate soon seems to be so hard to do; the tunnel is so much darker and longer. Before, I thought maybe my road into becoming a nurse is longer because my transformation and lessons are not just about how to be a nurse but also how to be a Christian.

I have to learn a lot of things. I have to learn how to give unconditional love and care, especially to those who are "impossible" to love. I have to learn how to control my emotions so that I can mindfully do things, critical thinking is needed in the hospital. And most of all, I have to make my own spirit healthy and strong.

Right now, I am trying to reach my dream of becoming a nurse. However, certain things should be followed and done before I can even start my clinicals. I'll know the results by January 13. I pray, please Lord, that I'll be able to finish my course. You know how much I wanted this...

This is what I wanted; but is this what You want for me Lord? Am I ready and willing to let go if You say no? I don't know but the thought of it is so painful. It hurts a lot, Lord.

It hurts and I don't want to think about it. All I know is that whenever it gets too painful, I can always ask You to take away the feeling.

Tell me what You want from me Lord and change my heart so I can understand and accept Your plans. I love You so much and I trust You but I am not gonna lie that if You don't want me to become a nurse, it will hurt me soooo bad. I am not gonna lie because You know it anyway. Just please hug me tighter and take away the pain if that will happen.

Lord I pray that You will always guide me and my plans. Jesus, I surrender to Your will.

My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away;
But still I’ll trust my Lord to lead,
For He knows the way.


Carol said...

Following your heart with the guidence of Jesus is always fun. I often fail but find myself closer to him. So keep up the following. God Bless

Anonymous said...

hello babe. :) I know you can do it. Kaw pa. I have always has high hopes for you. :))))