Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Mastery of Love

7:01 AM 10 Comments
Hi! I would just like to share some parts of this book that kept me company during my work last night. It was fun to read and worth sharing.

I remember making a post about how I view human relationships now that I have matured with my relationship with the Lord; (click here) however, lately I have learned that not only do I have to strengthen my relationship with my Father but also I should strengthen my relationship with myself in order for me to fully love other people. Yes, I have always claimed that I have so much love to give but sometimes, I meant always, I breakdown whenever a gesture of love is being showed to me by other people (aside from my immediate family). I breakdown not only because I am grateful to have them but also because I always feel that I am not worthy of such kind of love. I don't know why I felt that way and honestly I have never thought of it. I have always described myself as a giver. I love to give but I am not comfortable of receiving anything. I have never shared this thoughts before, maybe because I thought that I am here to give not to receive and it's just as simple as that. My mom would always tell me that I should check my self because she can see that I am vulnerable to abuse. I am afraid to say no to a request and giving sends me to euphoria. I am happy whenever other people are happy even when it takes my own happiness. I know this is not wrong but what makes it wrong is the feeling that I have whenever a similar gesture is done for me. A thank you is enough for me but I always feel that I should give more than a thank you to express how thankful I am.

Living here in New York plus the people I've met here had truly helped me learn a lot about life. It's amazing how self-discovery, self-acceptance and self-love had made a dramatic change in my life and how I view everything that surrounds me.

It's shameful to admit that I had unknowingly lied about being completely happy before. It's like you know everything is going well, that's why you should be happy and you think you don't have the right to say that something is missing because people would even say that they would gladly change places with you. It's like being ungrateful of what God had given you or being discontented about everything in your life.

I am also afraid to fail becuase I thought that to succeed all the time wouldn't give other people the chance to make fun of me. I am also afraid to fail other people's expectations about me and their thoughts of who I am. I remember making a blog post that remained to be a draft about how I love to please and make other people happy that it came to a point that I would jokingly call my self a chameleon. I wore different kinds of masks or change my colors to protect myself. I'm not sure but I think it started when being myself led me to be a subject of gossips and hatred from a school that I went before. After that event in my life, I developed a fear of socializing because my mind would immediately tell me that the one I am talking to doesn't like me or is plotting something bad against me. Oh now I get it. I love to please people so they wouldn't have time to hate me and whenever a gesture of love is done, I would be like "yay! they don't hate me."

"Of course, we have so many self-judgments that we can't possibly have any self-love. And if there's no love for ourselves, how can we even pretend that we share love with someone else?" (page 96)

So yeah, God is good! He is amazing. He sent people and had carefully planned events in my life that would lead me to different kinds of healing. I feel amazing. I feel great. I am happy even though things doesn't go my way. I am okay even though somebody gives me a bad comment, doesn't like me or doesn't agree with me. I love God even more now that I can see how His love for others is surrounding me. I love God even more now that I have realized that it is okay to be me. I am a reflection of His love, I should never be ashamed of that reflection. I should love my self because I am His reflection; loving my self means loving Him too.

"...The body is already satisfied because it has all your love. You are never lonely anymore, because you are fulfilled with your own love. Wherever you turn your face, you will be fulfilled with love, but not from other humans. You can see a tree and feel all the love coming from the tree to you. You can see the sky, and it's going to fulfill the needs of your mind for love. You will see God everywhere, and it will no longer be just a theory. God is everywhere, Life is everywhere." (page 156)

Each person is a unique

expression of God’s loving design.♥