Monday, March 16, 2009

Back to Life

It's been a long time since I have written something in this blog and I don't even know why. Maybe it is the lack of appropriate words to express my thoughts and feelings or even maybe I really don't have anything to say at the moment and no matter how hard I try to update it my entries just remain unfinished and left abandoned as drafts. In some reasons and even if I know I am not as good as others in sharing and speaking about God's love, I had considered having this blog as a way for me to minister and proclaim what His love has done for me. But lately I just don't know what happened and honestly even visiting the blogger homepage made me guilty and ashamed of being weak...I had allowed myself to waste my time playing online games just to avoid having deep thoughts and to avoid facing some negative emotions that I know won't do any good for me. I decided to be "casual" with God for some time because I know I'll have to face my mistakes once I started to have a sincere talk with Him. Pride? Maybe..but it is more of I can't forgive myself for not listening or for misinterpreting God's plans for me. It is like how come you can't practice what you have preached or how come you suddenly became so weak when you have once said that nothing can change your faith. Oh yeah..that's pride. Plus let's add up envy. I am not ashamed to admit that I feel envious to my batch mates who will be graduating this month. I am happy for my friends but I hate being envious to them. Then suddenly I'll realize that MAYBE if I hadn't done anything..MAYBE if I didn't misinterpreted God and MAYBE if I listened carefully none of these things will happen. MAYBE. Maybe because I know I had asked Him a couple of times for a signal of GO or a hindrance to my decisions. I also want to quote something from the message of my friend, Phoebe Cruz, that made me somehow relieved..."whatever decisions you've made I'm sure He had good reasons why He made it happen..Trust Him."

I still don't know what are His reasons for me to experience this but I believe that one of it is to teach me how to forgive. I know that I can easily forgive people but I really find it hard to forgive myself. Last Saturday I attended a seminar about Growth and one of the topics was to learn how to forgive. The minister shared that the person that we find most difficult to forgive is our selves and I truly agree with him. I really find it hard to forgive myself over things that I should and shouldn't have done.

Lately, I know I've been really chicken to hide and run away when all I have to do is call on Jesus and surely He will comfort me and rescue me. Surely through Jesus and because of His love for me this negative feelings will soon be washed away.


Mel Alarilla said...

All of us experience our own desert experiences once in a while. This is God's way of letting us have our own way so that we can fully realize that God's way is the only way for a true child of God. Don't be too hard on yourself. As you say, learn to forgive and truly love yourself. God never expects us to be perfect in this world. He just want us to be obedient to His will and His perfection shall rub on us. Do everything to please God (1Thessalonians 4:1)and "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1Corinthians 10:31)Just have a sincere prayerful life and constantly read the word of God (Bible) everyday and you will always be charged by God's all encompassing grace and love. I will pray for you my sister in Christ. Thanks for the post. God bless you always.

Eaglewings said...

All things work together for the good of those who Love God and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28.

What can we say about all of this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

What will separate us from the love Christ has for us? Can trouble, distress, persecution, hunger, nakedness, danger, or violent death separate us from his love? Romans 8:35

Ro 38 (GW) I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love which Christ Jesus our Lord shows us. We can't be separated by death or life, by angels or rulers, by anything in the present or anything in the future, by forces
39 or powers in the world above or in the world below, or by anything else in creation. Romans 8:38-39

11 For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
Jer 29:11 (AMP)

Words of encouragement I hope from God's word. If we know nothing more of what God wants for us then the simply children's song Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so. That really is enough. God is not out to get you, He does not desire to punish you, He is not looking over your shoulder just waiting for you to make a mistake. In fact if you are IN CHRIST then JESUS is ever living making intercession for you. Jesus is rooting for you. He is sitting right beside God cheering you on. He wants you to make it. He rejoices in your successes and takes no delight in your failures.

The only reason we hide from God is because we are ashamed of something we have done. Adam and Eve hide from God because they disobeyed the Word of God and found themselves EXPOSED and naked before God.

Trust me you are not alone in the failure department. I am highly skilled at making mistakes. I think failure is my middle name sometimes but I have learned this truth. GOD IS FAITHFUL he will never allow the RIGHTEOUS to suffer shame.

11 Scripture says, “Whoever believes in him will not be ashamed.” Romans 10:11 (GW)

Trust is a difficult thing especially if human relationships have not been the best. If we have a history of bad relationships then it is hard to believe that God loves us as much as he does. Trust me he loves you more than even you can love yourself. Do not beat yourself up. If you need someone to talk to or just to pray with give me a shout out. I would be more than happy to pray with you and offer whatever comfort or insight the Lord would provide.

God bless you.

Anonymous said...

I went through the same thing as you my friend. I did not have a desire to write on my blog as well. But, I realized God was using this "quiet time" for me to have a personal and deep one on one relationship with Him. During this time I talked, read and meditated on His word. I guess you can say I got "spiritually recharged." Don't worry, when God is ready for you to begin writing again, you will. Take this time and develop a more deeper and personal relationship with Him. It will all work out.

I am glad you are all right. I missed you so.

Blessings and I love you.

penlighted said...

Mel, Eaglewings and Valerie thank you for always being there..^_^ Thank you for the sweet words of encouragement and comfort and Eaglewings, your offer is noted ;)

God bless you more! Thank you for dropping by..

ladyinpurple said...

I'll make this simple by leaving this thought:Listen and pay attention to the small voice coming from Him and your path will be directed according to what He plans for you.How can u do it?Listen with your heart joy (^_^)

P.S. Be patient and don't give up your faith no matter how strong the storm is.

Stay blessed