Not long ago I was too ashamed to go home, to talk to my parents and tell them that it will take me maybe 2 more years to finish nursing school here in New York. Not long ago I spent a joy ride, went to New Jersey with my special friend right after I received my I-am-sorry-you-didn't-make-it letter sobbing about my unfortunate fate and complaining about the rocky journey I am traveling towards my dream of being a nurse while he's giving me his 1000 reasons, yes he came up with that too many reasons about why I should be thankful that I didn't get into the program. Of course I laughed in between but my heart was torn and I couldn't understand why. I pretended I was okay and by the time I got home, I have to hold back my tears in front of my parents as I was telling them I am sorry that I failed. I even failed on hiding my tears.
I am really not sure what happened after that day but I am positive that I kept praying and told God that I trust Him even though my mind was telling me that I will be spending years in devastation island.
Surprisingly, weeks after those moments I was told that I will have a permanent regular schedule at work. I will be working in a luxurious hotel for elders. I had my class schedule ready; I changed my major to Lib Arts: Math and Science. I will be in school Mondays and Wednesdays and I will work Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Fridays as an on call.
Working and doing the dirty job sends me to euphoria. I enjoyed giving care and love towards the elders. I give medicines, sponge bath, feed them or bring them to the dining hall, I also change their diapers, clean them after they went, push their wheel chair, bring them to movies or to the park, talk to them, listen to their stories, write my nurses notes...what a bliss! What I do with them doesn't feel like I'm working but instead I am having the same feeling whenever I worship God. I feel happiness beyond words can express. I always end my day with a smile and a thankful heart no matter how the day went. I was called stupid, timid and slow but most of the time I get compliments, hugs and kisses from them. I smile and thank God because this is all that I want from nursing, no more no less.
Aside from my passion for nursing, mathematics also sends me to an elevated state. I feel heaven whenever I have to do math problems. I always wish they require more math subjects in nursing when I was still in the Philippines. I love testing my patience while I do solving. I love to do logic, word problems, measuring, counting, figures, algebra...ah! Well well well... look at what I have to do now! I have to take math courses to finish this degree. I just couldn't believe how fast time flies when you are enjoying; I am doing what I love and studying what I want.
I don't know where He will lead me but it's the first time that I am enjoying the ride. I am enjoying the stops that I have to take. I am living in the present. I don't even have time to figure out what His plans for me or to foresee my future because I am happy enjoying everything. My week is always great. Plus, another bonus gift from Him are the new things that I can do because of the confidence and courage He is giving me, taught by His instruments, my friends from my church community and my family; and also because I can already afford doing it since I already have a job.
I want to pursue nursing right after I graduate from my new major, hopefully with prayers and love I will graduate next semester but of course, take me Lord wherever You want to bring me.