After Your Heart

Last month, I had a very crazy schedule, I worked for 24 hours every other day and I also went to school in between. It was crazy crazy crazy; I don't know how I managed to stay awake during my classes. But even though I became really exhausted, I felt the happiest during those days because I was able to provide care and share my love to somebody. However, a month after my full-time elder/patient's 100th birthday her body gave up from infection which caused her death. I was out of job after that because I just couldn't take the schedule of the other aids.

So my life is back to slow-mo...and now I realized that I don't know how to pray anymore. I just couldn't pray and be still because my mind wanders instantly once I sit. For days, aside from reading the daily devotionals, I've read the previous entries from Our Daily Bread to seek for answers, to find something to ignite the fire within me, to help me rescue my passion or just to help me figure out what's wrong.

Today, December 12, is the birthday of my mom and we just had a gathering with some friends. I think we are all tired, I am tired. However, I don't know I just logged in to check some videos on Youtube and I was led to this:

After Your Heart by Moira Dela Torre

Bring me to the highest mountains
Bring me to the widest plains
Fly me to the skies above
I'd still call out Your name

Bring me to the deepest waters
Drive me through the longest roads
Take me away from these shadows
I'd still call out Your name
I'll stand firm and pray

Cause I don't wanna go somewhere else
I wanna run towards You
I don't wanna look away
Cause my eyes are fixed on You
I don't wanna live for someone else
Cause You gave a brand new start
And these feet will keep on going
I'm after Your heart

Bring me to Your love's chambers
Bring me in Your midst
bring me to the palm of your hands

Sail me towards the rising sun
Sail me through the rivers run
Spread my wings wide
And I'll still call out Your Name
I'd stand firm and pray

Nothing else can satisfy, I'm after Your heart
To You alone, I give my life, I'm after Your heart
Cause no matter where I go
No matter what I do
these feet were made to run after You
Only You

The song just touched me, I just miss Him so much. After listening to it, I realized how my busy schedule made me had no room to be still or talk to Him. I realized that even though I do good things and I render service to other people, it will still never be enough, I still need time to be with Him.

The song reminded me of His great love and the precious moments I had with Him whenever I am in my room.

Lord, I felt really incomplete without You. I became worried because I really don't know where to start or what went wrong. Thank You for reminding me to fix my eyes on You, to keep running towards You because You alone can satisfy me.

Lord, thank You for giving me the chance to be an intern at New York Eye and Ear, I will start on Tuesday. Thank You also for my work every week, I may not be earning that much anymore but at least I am not doing it for 72 hours a week. Thank You for helping me where to start. Thank You for the song and the talent of the composer/singer. I miss You so much Lord. I love You.