USC’s MSW Programs Blog Day.
Today is the World Suicide Prevention Day. I didn't plan to write anything in this blog today but I just feel like I have to because of some reasons.
I've been through a lot. I was bullied. I became a subject of gossips in three different schools that I went to. I have some spiritual battles. I have a part in my life that I can't remember, names of people and events that my subconscious made me forget. I have some stories that as much as I wanted to share it, I just can't.
I didn't have this kind of faith yet when some of those trials where poured on me but whenever I look back, I just can't thank Him enough for being there for me during those times.
I know I am talking in riddles but this is just my heart full of praises for Him. No, I never thought about taking my own life but I guess it's safe to say that I killed some parts of me so I can cope. I became aloof and I built a very tall wall and covered myself with so many masks to protect myself. I am still struggling in terms of socializing and talking to people but I thank God for His healing and for teaching me about the importance of consciously letting go and forgiving people.
I repeat, consciously letting go and forgiving people. It's a very hard decision to make because I know sometimes a part of us wishes bad things to happen to those people who caused us pain. Sometimes, revenge comes to the extent of hurting our own selves so we could make them guilty about hurting us. Sometimes, we let ourselves sink in depression and we let ourselves linger to those hurtful events because somehow it will become our excuse for letting ourselves fail.
Let go. Nobody is judging you but yourself. You should never compete with anybody. Breathe. Let go and pray. Forgiving somebody and yourself is a decision that you have to make. It will never magically happen. Pray for strength so that you will be able to carry your loads, lift it up and offer it to Him. Surround yourself with people who can help you carry it and lift it up to Him.
I know it's not easy but it is possible to move on.
Don't let trials knock you down. Ask for help and reach out.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
This is for you, you know who you are.
I am praying that you will be able to read this.
You are not alone. I am here. I love you!
You are Loved!
LOVED
Words and Music by Dave and JJ Heller
Do you dream of a home you never had
An innocence that you cannot get back
The pain is real
You can’t erase it
Sooner or later you have to face it down
You are loved
Do you keep your thoughts inside your head
Will you regret the things you never said You have a voice
You have to use it
You have a choice
Don’t let them shut you down
You are loved
Do you feel the ache inside your soul
You know you’ll never make it on your own
Sorrow is too great for you to hold it
You’re gonna break
Why don’t you lay it down
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
This is for you, you know who you are.
I am praying that you will be able to read this.
You are not alone. I am here. I love you!
You are Loved!
LOVED
Words and Music by Dave and JJ Heller
Do you dream of a home you never had
An innocence that you cannot get back
The pain is real
You can’t erase it
Sooner or later you have to face it down
You are loved
Do you keep your thoughts inside your head
Will you regret the things you never said You have a voice
You have to use it
You have a choice
Don’t let them shut you down
You are loved
Do you feel the ache inside your soul
You know you’ll never make it on your own
Sorrow is too great for you to hold it
You’re gonna break
Why don’t you lay it down
5 comments:
Hello Paige! How nice it is to see you again! :-)
You are special. I love seeing your blog again.
I was bullied myself as a child, to the extent I thought of committing suicide. I was regularly put to the ground and I was isolated. It destined who I became. It formed me.
I really agree with you one should seek God to cope. Being bullied as a Christian, that is for being a Christian, is to live with. It makes you strong. And I also agree with you one should think highly about oneself. One is bullied for a reason, and the mob's intention is always to disqualify. One should know that, and be proud.
I have difficulties finding social satisfaction myself. But God is smiling to us being special.
So, lady, we are two. God grant us success.
I was inspired to write a locus. :-)
AS IF ONE COULD CHOOSE
The power of the pack will die
in total absence of an I.
A function or a role he may
for certain not survive the day.
I believe I know what the root to "bullying" is. See https://sites.google.com/site/poetonview/a-theory-about-englishmen.
Take care.
A PRAYER
The power is the devil’s aim,
the viper or the pack his name.
So make me, Lord, a lovely bear!
The be’ar is for certain dear.
:-)
Paige,
I have opened a Facebook account in English and I would love to see you as a friend of mine. Unfortunately, I cannot find your profile. I cannot remember your last name. So you must invite me (or give me the link). My profile is to be found at https://www.facebook.com/called.vaccinius. I hope I see you there! :-)
Anders
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