Silence and Stillness

I remember my first unplanned date with my present boyfriend--I was really anxious, uncomfortable, a mess and my brain was clouded with thoughts, with questions, with huh, why, what, seriously, this is crazy, funny, haha, hoooo, wait let me breathe..."I can't breathe. Wait, I'm laughing too much. I inhaled a laughing gas." Totally not attractive. So he stopped the car and pressed the eject button...just kidding! He pulled over the car, turned off the radio, told me to relax and then we spent the night sitting quietly.  Sitting quietly! That was my first time to enjoy silence with somebody. It was intimidating at first but it turned out to be an intimate moment for me.

"When you become aware of silence,

immediately there is that state of inner still alertness. You are present.

You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective
human conditioning."

That quote by Eckhart Tolle in Stillness Speaks was one of the quotes that we read during our Singles Worship last Friday. Our lecture about stillness and silence made me reminisce about that "silent date" and the feeling of intimacy that I felt. It made me realize and I am surprise and ashamed to admit that I  haven't actually had that kind of silent  moment with God.

I wonder why. I think it's because the presence of  the Lord is more intimidating than to be with an ordinary being. Yes, I can spend time with Him without telling Him what I want but I can never stay in His presence without telling Him how much I love Him. I say endless words of praises. It's not bad. He's wonderful, amazing, marvelous, magnificent...He's just the best and He deserves to be praised; but because of His greatness I become too overwhelmed that I couldn't help not to tell Him how great He is. 

It's like standing face to face with somebody you wanted to impress, perhaps that person you like or love, you just want to look your best, say the best things and be 100% prepared to do or give whatever that person wants. Again, it's not bad but because I was  too busy thinking and planning about the next big move to make, I missed the opportunity to listen and witness Him. The things that I planned, said, gave and did, maybe weren't the things that He wanted from me.

I imagined the Lord asking me tap water but because I wanted to serve Him so bad and because He's great, I handed Him bottled water. He didn't gave it back  because I was already away looking for a straw and a napkin. Then a sandwich. Then I became busy looking for entertainers for my Special Guest. I became too busy that I didn't even noticed that the Lord didn't touch my bottled water because He's actually allergic to plastics and also to sandwiches.

Silence is intimidating. Silence will give your heart the chance to see. However, stillness is more intimidating. Stillness will allow you to see a person clearly. Stillness can make the components of a solution settle. It's like oil and water being mixed together, you will never have a clear view of how much water or oil is in it unless  you leave it standing for a while.

I think to be still in the presence of the Lord will not only let you hear Him speak but it can  also make you see how much darkness is in you. It's very easy to do little good things to make our selves feel good and to make us think that I am a good Christian, I am a true follower of Christ. We constantly stir the solution so that we can trick ourselves that the water is still pure. It's hard to be still because it's painful to see that we don't deserve the goodness of the Lord. Although we know that the Lord will accept us, that it is by grace that we are saved, I think as a being blessed to know what's right and wrong, we still somehow hope that we have been doing what is right and we can call ourselves deserving of His great love.

It's in stillness that we will be challenge to face our guilt, shame and pride. It's in stillness that we can completely and honestly say, "Jesus, thank You for Your great love and for the cross."

"When you look at a tree and perceive its stillness,
you become still yourself.
You connect with it at a very deep level.
You feel a oneness with whatever you perceive in
and through stillness.
Feeling the oneness of yourself with all things is love."